i am angry with these adults.

today is my sister's birthday. she is turning 11 or 12, i don't even know. i've been absent in her life. i don't appreciate this situation that my family has put us in. it is so frustrating. i want to be there for her, i want to be a sister. i will never have another sister.

i hope her family situation gets better. she was adopted so she can have a better home and now that home is broken. that home that she's grown up in is empty. stay together for the kids? i don't even know the exact situation but i can just feel her heart and how broken or confused it is. the oldest of five, dealing with being the youngest and absent of three. she's not going to have that fairly tale family that i would always be jealous of but wanted so badly for her. how will this change my family, we only feel helpless in this situation.

i will see her tomorrow. she's going to look so much different from the last time, from last december. i hope she's oblivious of things and is so happy that it's her birthday.

divorce. cheating. whatever that can split two people up. can you ever really over come that sort of thing? i am angry with these adults.