love will tear us apart again

I'm gonna start putting things on here that I would like to sew. Tell me what you think about it, whatever. Hopefully I won't post again until I've completed the first project. Here's the first one:

I saw the movie Control, the one about Joy Division and this one dress is still stuck in my head even two weeks after I saw the movie. The pictures are horrible, but it seems like its a circle skirt with a collared button down shirt with some cute detail. I think it seems easy enough. Plus I have a pattern in "Sew You" by Wendy Mullin (the chick who does the 'Built by Wendy' patterns) for the top. I want to finish it before Spring begins because that's when i think the time will be appropriate.


Sorry the pictures are fuzzy. It's the best that I got..

And another...


picture from urban outfitters. i'm interested to see how this would turn out b.c i don't really like the way it holds to her body, and all other pictures seem to look silly too.. but we'll see, really depends on the fabric. i have a gray turtle neck, and a blue but i think i like my blue too much to cut it up. i also have a mustard tneck sweater but finding a fabric to match would be hard also not good for spring time since it is a sweater.


cool i hope this will work out.

get over it

the girls who think that girls are stupid...are stupid. get over yourself. we're all the same from a distance. we all cry, get too worked up over boys, act cool when we really aren't. your life isn't new, your ideas aren't new so stop being a bitch if you're being a bitch.

today was a good day. on the subway home though i was thinking there was nothing that i was really coming home to, which kind of sucks. i can't move back home either. smoking, family dinners, 'authority', and having obligations to my family just isn't my thing anymore. i want to be near my friends who won't tell me what to do with my life. i don't really care anymore about what my future entails. all i know is i don't want to be at home because of money and i don't want to continue to suckle on the big fat fucking tit of my grandma like most of my family does. i'm almost free from my family's bullshit but now i feel that they won't let go of the leash.

i guess i will be job hunting, applying for community college, and figuring out how to get out of drexel and staying in the city.

I fucking love wifeswap.

Weird

So today was my first day at school without taking a shower..I woke up at the time I was suppose to leave and I HATE that. Greasy hair, face, smelly pits. Disgusting. I've learned that I can't go to bed late..even at twelve.

I've been doing this thing and I do not know why but I think I'm always obsessing over something/one. Even though I hate to relate myself to certain people, it's no lie that we have a lot in common. And for some reason, just now it's brought me comfort. Like a female force kind of thing..that we can rise up and overcome this bullshit that tares females apart. But that's wishful thinking. Like I said, I'm not any different from you.

Also it's weird to think what an impact you make on people because of your past decisions and those decisions they've made to influence your life. Coincidences are a weird thing and I believe they're suppose to mean something. I hope they would anyway because it makes life that much more interesting.

I've had another thought too. I want to be a good mother one day and that's greatly influencing my change of major, as well as my love for sewing. That's important to me because my mom was never there as a mother growing up (blah blah). I like to think I came out okay though with that experience (However, I can be a brat). So looking to the waay future I want to have a husband who loves me and our kids, a comfortable house, basically a happy, healthy life, just like anyone else wants for their future. I'm just afraid that if I live happily ever after, somehow my kids will turn out to be assholes to me, take advantage of others and not know how to have a conversations. And because of that I think maybe a marriage isn't ultimetly what I want. And now I don't know what to think. I probably shouldn't even be thinking about this. You can't constantly think of the way you want your future to be and expect it to turn out that way. It doesn't work like that. This is what I've been doing all day.


[Insert picture of snowy church here]


I'm okay with winter as long as I got my boots and fresh powdered snow.

What is she even thinking?

Ugh, I just want to throw up. When I'm not thinking-rather obsessing-over shit, something hits me and I'm involuntary involved with it again. How is it that some days I'm over things, couldn't care less but then others it really hurts my feelings?


I really like that sometimes I can make the day better again all by myself, I might not have those dependency issues I thought I had..maybe.