what's good?

i know what's good for me and i knew what was good for me. i figure that i just tried pushing things away to overcome them and to feel like i accomplished something new, all on my own. i figure that i was trying to put myself in a 'coming of age' movie, me being the main character and everyone else in my life just getting in the way. but really the only thing that stops me is myself. i know i wouldn't be doing the things i am now without the company of my best friend. he puts me out there, makes me feel so safe, cares, his bed is so comfortable, hes my first, and continues to forgive me everyday. the feelings i want to have are based on what i've experienced. but the actual feelings i am feeling are different from what i've known. i'm not giving in, there isn't a point i'm trying to make, i'm simply living and loving life with someone i really like. 

i 'm trying not to say anything anymore.

you know what i hate the most?

when people you hoped to have a good friendship with turn out to suck. and there's nothing you can do about it. and you really want to be their friend but you know you should just stay away or else it will cause more shit. that stinks. and its usually the people you least expect it to be. theres atleast two cases in my head right now like that. meh.