Weird

So today was my first day at school without taking a shower..I woke up at the time I was suppose to leave and I HATE that. Greasy hair, face, smelly pits. Disgusting. I've learned that I can't go to bed late..even at twelve.

I've been doing this thing and I do not know why but I think I'm always obsessing over something/one. Even though I hate to relate myself to certain people, it's no lie that we have a lot in common. And for some reason, just now it's brought me comfort. Like a female force kind of thing..that we can rise up and overcome this bullshit that tares females apart. But that's wishful thinking. Like I said, I'm not any different from you.

Also it's weird to think what an impact you make on people because of your past decisions and those decisions they've made to influence your life. Coincidences are a weird thing and I believe they're suppose to mean something. I hope they would anyway because it makes life that much more interesting.

I've had another thought too. I want to be a good mother one day and that's greatly influencing my change of major, as well as my love for sewing. That's important to me because my mom was never there as a mother growing up (blah blah). I like to think I came out okay though with that experience (However, I can be a brat). So looking to the waay future I want to have a husband who loves me and our kids, a comfortable house, basically a happy, healthy life, just like anyone else wants for their future. I'm just afraid that if I live happily ever after, somehow my kids will turn out to be assholes to me, take advantage of others and not know how to have a conversations. And because of that I think maybe a marriage isn't ultimetly what I want. And now I don't know what to think. I probably shouldn't even be thinking about this. You can't constantly think of the way you want your future to be and expect it to turn out that way. It doesn't work like that. This is what I've been doing all day.


[Insert picture of snowy church here]


I'm okay with winter as long as I got my boots and fresh powdered snow.